i accidentally told my friend the sweetest pick up line ever. i started talking about solipsism (the belief that everything around you was created by your mind) and i went “If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with” she was speechless for a solid five minutes.
You would think that teenagers would be the rudest customers when really it’s mostly old, middle-aged people.
The elderly are either adorable or the wrinkly reincarnation of Satan there is no in between
it’s physically impossible to fit words into a venn diagram
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now